I think scott just propositioned me for sex
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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