I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
