Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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