i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
