I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
