I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
