Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
