Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
