I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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