i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
