Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
