I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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