also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
