Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
a search helicopter?!
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
