Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
