Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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