I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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