My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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