My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
