good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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