who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I am spending my child support on dildos
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
