she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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