well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
