The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
