in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
