don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
