I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
