He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
