His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
