I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
