Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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