I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
How's work?
Spinning.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
