Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
