Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
