census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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