i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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