angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
