Cold hands, warm shart.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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