Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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