i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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