You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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