i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
