Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you would pick up someone in the library
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
