life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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