if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
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