This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
