her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
