I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
time to smoke my breakfast
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
