I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
