I just threw up on my dentist
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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