We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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