I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
