I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize