I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
