I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I have aggressive nipples.
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