3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i think my cat just said my name.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
