Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
