Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
