walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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