i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
