I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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