Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
