when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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