woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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