i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize