It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
