I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
