Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
