Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
