i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
