So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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