Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
