Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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