You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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