I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
