So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
