So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
