well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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