Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Randomize
