I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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