At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i love accidental penises.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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