i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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