In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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