idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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