Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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