I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
