So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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