people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
