Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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