i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
third nipple confirmed
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
