a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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