wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Is it penis luge time yet?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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