Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
